Based on my recent art therapy lesson on change and transformation, helps me to reflect on my life as a whole. To me, change is always constant in my life because there will be different adversity that forces me to adapt and learn new things of coping so that I am chiselled into a beautiful flower. And the adversity is created for me within my capacity. 
I had low self-esteem during my primary school years because I do not trust myself and I kept thinking to please people all the time. I had no identity to myself. 

During my secondary school days, I had struggled with low self-esteem, had a hard time projecting my voice. Yes, my voice sounded like a mouse and I was chosen as a cheerleader. What a huge leap! I was not in any leadership position because I was just a timid person with no stand of her own. 

During university, I had self-doubts and I was insecure to a point that a dear friend left me for good. I developed bouts of mental health challenges. I always broke into tears, had negative self-talk and my mood was really unstable. It was a nightmare to survive till the end of university. I nearly wanted to drop out but I just pushed myself through even though I was falling apart. I had no friends to share this with because I knew myself very well. Once I latched myself onto one friend for emotional support, I might annoy her and make her feel exhausted. So, I will rather be alone most of the time and social isolation affected me deeply. But, that is the best I could do. 

I had no confidence to seek professional help because of the stigma. 
So I struggled for the next few years. I had experienced anxiety before. Anxiety was the worst of all. I felt anxious for the entire day for 4 months. I felt like someone was haunting me. When I walked, I could not feel safe at all. I felt that I wanted to hide inside my blanket. I also could not sleep. It was tough. I felt extremely unsafe when I was on public transport. I felt like a disaster. 

But it really transformed me into a beautiful flower, a flower that I never imagined myself to be.

I do feel the fear of another relapse. When it comes, I really hope, someone just pushed me to IMH for treatment until I get better because I do not want to hurt anyone. 

I learnt not to compare myself with others and focus on improving myself slowly till the end of time.