Alhamdullilah, I am inspired to write this post because I have heard of stories of mothers who had experienced post-partum blues (after labour). Eventhough, I do not get through that before, I can really feel how they experienced pain and the emotional struggles to overcome it. I feel that I am blessed with a mental health condition because Allah really wants me to feel and empathise for those who have had experienced different difficulties such as the pain, hurt and stress. Post-partum depression is a type of mental health condition that new Mothers go through. And some of them actually went through 7 to 2 years of post-partum blues and it really breaks me because they deserve to feel calm and peace and settle in as new mothers. I just want to hug them like each of them and care for them hahaha. 

And in a hindsight, I am extremely scared to get pregnant and I am so relieved that I am not married at all. I wonder if I am the only one who feels this. And for the first time, I stop making doa for my jodoh because I am no longer interested to find my jodoh anymore and pray to Allah to let me focus on my life for the next  5 years. And today, Allah is pulling me so eagerly to make doa for my jodoh and I resisted so much to a point I got so scared and fear. 

I just feel that I have so much to learn in this  dunya and I still have not started career and I feel I need time for all this. I am grateful that no one is interested me at all and it is the best for me. 

I really hope Allah is not sad or disappointed with me for stopping to make doa for my jodoh because I am very scared and fear for being "desperate" all this time and I feel ashamed of myself and I affirm to myself that I will be on my own for the nest 5 years because I really want to be independent and financially stable.

And this aside, I always feel I am a Mother to people who really needs me to care for them emotionally even through texting. I am happy to just be there for them even if it is just for a while. I like the feeling to care for someone because it makes me feel really good. 

It is okay to feel sad and depressed if you are going through post partum blues. I am here to validate your feelings and I hope that you can find your support system to help you to go through this tough period as well. I pray that you will be okay eventually and feel better. Remember to drink lots of water, nourish yourself with health meals aka confinement meals, take a good shower and rest well. May Allah ease your affairs and grant goodness for you and always be with you in your difficulties and your ease. InsyaAllah!