Alhamdullilah for this period of recovery from all that has happened. 
I am recovering very well emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 
I told myself to submit to Allah fully and stay away from all that is forbidden.
I told myself to guard my daily prayers and do non-obligatory prayers if I am able to so that I can occupy myself more productively other than doing the usual activities at home.


 
I also am making more effort to communicate with my parents and listen to them talk about politics (such a dread) and about things they really love to talk about to maintain my social skills.
 
And also, make an effort to have my own small projects which are basically food preparation such as acai, avocado meals in different forms, and avocado juice. This is to meet my nutritional needs. It is so tough because my body has been craving healthy stuff. Only today, mum and I prepared healthy nasi lemak for the family.

It tasted really amazing. The baked chicken is awesome and the rice is awesome too.
To meet my intellectual needs, I read books written by Islamic scholars because I just recently found out that I like to read deep in the religion with regards to the affairs of Muslims in the community and also the Islamic rulings.  
I no longer have an interest in reading about business and leadership. But the books are piling up on my desk. 
Meanwhile, I am just making an effort to find an internship or a full-time job in the mental health sector.
 
At the moment, I just want to keep my peace and be in constant gratitude to Allah for all that he has bestowed upon me. So that I stopped complaining and stop being in despair. 

I am yearning to really be more involved in the community after recuperating at home since March, the month I got discharged from IMH due to my relapse. Yes, it is such a long period of recovery omg.....
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Now, I am hoping to intern or work full time. I mean anything as long as there is some money flowing into my bank account as a start. I always dreamt to have a full-time job. 
 
This peace that I have in my heart is so precious to me.
I am really scared it will go away. :'(

I really want to be a true Muslim so that I don't get into trouble spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. The roads of trials and tribulations have been hitting hard on me that I feel like I am falling apart. I hope no one goes through what I really went through because it is so unbelievable to be understood by the human mind.

I am also more guarded with my boundaries, which include physical, time, emotional and spiritual. This is to protect my mental well-being and also to guard my dignity as a Muslim and a human being. My friend once told me to be human first before being a Muslim. It makes sense though.

I really hope Allah can grant me more abundance in terms of finances as a start. Amin Ya Rabbalalamin. Ya Allah, please guide me and protect my heart from becoming darkened that I may lose sight of you even for a moment. Thank you for loving me and making me a Muslim from birth. I will make my utmost effort to be the best that I can be so that in the Hereafter when I meet you personally, you will tell me that you never regret creating me from clay. Ya Allah, my body is a barrier between me and you.

One day at an appointed time, I hope my soul is pulled gently from my forehead to go back to you Ya Allah. And I will feel excited during that moment like how a child comes back to the arms of the mother. I know I am daif (a lowly being) and don't know so many things but I will try to learn as many as I can within my mental capacity to know more about You and prophet s.a.w. I am so in love with the prophet s.a.w from the books that I read. I just wonder whether such a man still exists on this Earth. He has a perfect character, has a moral, social and emotional intelligence that I am still working on myself. I really hope I can meet him in Jannah because he is the most intelligent man on Earth. I want to meet him and have a conversation with him. (I have a major crush on the prophet saw now. Is this weird?)

Allah is my One True Love always till the end of my life. <3