Running towards the Deen feels so good for me. It helps me to recover from a spiritual low that is extremely scary for me. Alhamdullilah, I feel happy that I feel better, really good. Prayers, making doa, listening to motivating songs, reciting Quran, having good companions and reading Islamic books (have no idea how I can understand haha) really help me to grow as a Muslim. 

And one of my dear best friends is so kind to sponsor a subscription with aaplus.co. And I make this exact doa to Allah to help me get a subscription with aaplus.co. so desperately. I have no idea but what was in my mind. I think I make this exact doa in most of the prayers. 

And one day, she texted me and it led to a conversation about her intention to sponsor me because I told her a while back that I could not afford it. 

So I have been listening to the podcasts - Woman's Up, and Internet Girlfriends. 

The Internet Girlfriends- First Love is an interesting topic. 

It has not been easy for me. I do have the fear that I may get spiritual low again. But I think the key is to identify the early warning sign if it is going to happen. And quickly go back to  Allah before it is too late. 

At the end of the day, what Allah has planned for us is always the best and we got to trust in Allah absolutely that whatever situation He has put us in is to protect us from situations that can affect us negatively. <3 

For instance, I had a sporadic cough and my right foot is in pain that I could not walk properly. Yes, I was so stubborn to see the doctor because I was not sure whether I can meet the therapist. So, I went and yes, I was not allowed to see the therapist and I was petrified because I waited two months. I went to see the doctor and he told me that I needed to go for COVID test and it was painful because they had to draw my blood and it was difficult to find a good spot to extract blood. I also needed to go for X ray.

And during all those, I just actually cried when I was waiting for my turn. And I rushed to the toilet to release all the tears.

My mind was so chaotic. But I think I just told myself to be patient and I soothe myself with some music (sempat jugak eh). 

And only now, Allah is just telling me to not depend on the therapist to manage my problems. This really hits me hard because it could be that I have gained a lot of improvements over the months and I can manage myself already. I learned from my art therapy teacher before that prolonged therapy with a therapist can have counter effects that can impede my self-esteem to manage on my own. 

Allah knows best. (: